I was hit by a car, a truck and a bitch, and surprisingly only the third hit left any scars (and those were just emotional)
When I was only 17 I mostly got around on my bicycle. Not surprising in that my favorite song was bicycle race by Queen.
via videosift.com
I mostly was enamored with the poster that came with the album, at least in its original run. I think I probably masturbated to that poster a few times. It was pretty easy to do. I mean, c’mon, if you could not find a half dozen women/girls on that poster who were your type, you had to be gay. (not that there’s anything wrong with that.)
Makes me laugh a bit to think of my now homophobic brother who used to walk around with a blue zipper sweatshirt with a giant gold “Queen” iron on on the back. I was as ignorant about the gay connotation at the time, but he wore the sweatshirt and I turned out to be accepting. Sort of ironic that. Thinking back, even the sweatshirt without the Queen on the back was sorta gayish with that double white pinstriping down the sleeves. moving on.
OK. For those of you who don’t know the album (that’s a long playing record made out of vinyl – they had them during the vizioplastic era, which was sometime after the bronze age but prior to the silicon implant age) Kids these days will never know the pleasure of the hidden treasures of the vinyl albums. The posters that came inside the cover. The young pubescent boy who also came inside the cover (almost) when he saw the joyous naked women astride their bicycles, or bent over adjusting their -ahem- tire pressure or something. Oh, and they rang those bells unmercifully.
Not to mention the actual art of the album covers themselves. God, shrunk down now to the size of a postage stamp for your cd or dvd. You can’t capture the glory (hole) of a full size LP cover or the much anticipated double album. Man those were the days of album art. The Queen poster was an example of bum art. (not to be confused with album art)
Why oh why did those gay boys in Queen come up with the idea of hundreds of nude chicks with bikes? Or how did they convince them to pose like that? Most of those girls were (if memory serves) very attractive. Memory does serve and so do mammaries. But not generally for gay men. But Freddy was bi. Mostly leaning towards men. or leaning over in front of them (how would I know? I’m just guessing.) thank you Freddy for whatever reason.
I have totally lost track of the subject of this post. totally.
Ok, re-reading. I was on my bicycle riding home from school one day. Minding my own business, but apparently not paying much attention to anything else. Suddenly out of a driveway a car bumper appears. I eye up the driver. Lovely looking lady and we make eye to eye contact. We both nod and then we both proceed. Luckily she was going slow and I managed to jump off my bike as it goes under her front wheels. She stops, backs up and gets out of the car. Shit. we’re back to mammeries again. I lose myself in a vision of loveliness.
I feel like Ralphy in a Christmas Story(mindlessly nodding at Santa) as this woman asks me if I’m OK. Asking if my bike is damaged. Asking me if I always have drooled like that as I nod like freakin’ Forrest Gump on a slow day. I am a doggie perched on the dash of a car. my head is attached by a spring and my brain is attached by not a damn thing.
I tell her my bike and I are fine and I ride away with my wheels bent like something out of a cartoon. My wheels wobble, but I don’t fall down. fuck.
Yeah, I get home, and my brain kicks in and I kick myself in the fucking wobbling head.
I am too bent out of shape to even talk about the truck hitting me, and the bitch hitting me was just made up to complete the trio in the title of this post.
