This defies words
One of my favorite disclaimers on the erectile dysfunction ads on television is the “If you have an erection lasting more than four hours, seek medical attention” I wonder if that ever really happens… I know after a serious bout of drinking I sometimes have trouble having an orgasm, and I wonder if other men are willing to admit to that. Do you sometimes “roll off” without having put an exclamation point on your sentence? I know this happens to women more often, but men?
My toughest time with that was when, in the heat of the moment, (or maybe it was some lack of heat) I was with a girl who was complaining during sex that she had never had an orgasm ever. Not self induced, not given by a partner, no orgasm ever. So during our act she is putting the weight of the world on me. Is this fair? I mean talk about pressure. Finally I mis-spoke and said something to the effect of, “yes, I get it. you haven’t had one, but can I use you to have one of my own?” Admittedly the “use you” part was a gargantuan mistake. I didn’t mean it, but somehow that was the word I used. By the way, that was exactly the phrase to make sure I wasn’t having one, and she never spoke to me again, despite repeated apologies on her answering machine. It was a heated moment, and I goofed. Oh, well. Life goes on.
But back to erections. There is a huge recall of erections products to help E.D. underway. This was amusing to me because it listed all the product names in the recall. Hmmm, Stiff Nights, Aziffa, Size Matters. Wait, Aziffa… is there some play on words there I don’t get. maybe “I am so hard and huge I can’t zip my Aziffa” probably not.
Erex, Mojo, Hard Drive.. Hard drive. wow. How about external hard drive? Zip Drive maybe? Speaking of wow, WOW is also being recalled, as is Eyeful (a mis-directed facial shot maybe) Zotrex, Verect, Straight Up (does Paula Abdul get partial credit for that one?) and my favorite OMG. OMG. That one makes me LOL. All these products are made by a company called Novacare.
Does Novacare market specific names to different ethnic groups or countries? I am thinking that Yes, Yes! might work for a product in the US, but Oui Oui might be a mistake in France. Oh, does this make you go Oui Oui? Depends. Or could that be associated with the adult magazine Oui?
Might African Americans like a product called Black Magic, while Caucasians might like Solid White Knights. Germans might like “De Pants Her Division” (yes that one is a groaner) In France, Eye Full Tower, in Britain it would be Big Ben Her Over. Oh, in Russia, Rush In, Stay in.
But seriously, there really is a recall, so if you use any of the actual products from Novacare you may want to check that out. And remember, if you have an erection that lasts more than four hours…call some sort of professional.
